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Signs of Grooming and How Online Grooming Works

Online grooming is when someone builds trust with a child over the internet in order to sexually exploit them. Common signs include new secrecy about a device or an online friend, gifts or money from someone you don’t know, and a push to move conversations to a more private app.[1][2][3]

Grooming can take months, or it can move fast. Knowing the usual sequence helps you spot it early and respond in a way that keeps your child talking to you.

Fast Facts About Online Grooming

  • NCMEC’s CyberTipline received 1.4 million reports of online enticement in 2025, a 158% increase from 2024. NCMEC says a 2024 law requiring platforms to report enticement helped drive that rise.[4]
  • Grooming happens on every kind of platform, including social media, messaging apps, and games.[5]
  • Common tactics include compliments, pretending to be younger, gifts, and requests for secrecy.[5][2]
  • In one study, adults’ confidence in spotting grooming did not predict whether they could actually recognize it.[6]
  • A child or teen who is groomed is never to blame.[1]

If your child is in danger right now

  • Call 911 if there is an immediate threat, such as a plan to meet someone in person.
  • Report exploitation to the NCMEC CyberTipline: report.cybertip.org or 1-800-843-5678.
  • For confidential support, call RAINN’s National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673.
  • If your child is thinking about suicide, call or text 988.

What Is Online Grooming?

RAINN defines grooming as the deliberate act of building trust with a child or teen in order to exploit them sexually. It usually starts with friendship, mentorship, or kindness and gradually turns into manipulation and control.[1]

Online, the groomer may never meet the child. NCMEC’s definition of online enticement covers anyone communicating over the internet with someone they believe is a child, with the intent to commit a sexual offense or an abduction.[5]

Some teens describe grooming as feeling like falling in love, according to RAINN.[1] NCMEC notes that some offenders are so skilled at manipulation that teens don’t realize they have been tricked.[2]

How Online Grooming Usually Unfolds

Researchers who validated the Sexual Grooming Model described five stages of in-person grooming: choosing a victim, gaining access and isolating the child, developing trust, desensitizing the child to sexual content and touch, and maintaining control after the abuse.[7]

A 2021 scoping review of 93 studies found that grooming strategies overlap before and after the internet. Studies from the internet era added strategies such as risk assessment, deception, and what the authors call “media progression.”[8]

Not every case follows the same order. Here is how the steps commonly look across apps.

1. Finding a Child to Target

Offenders look for children wherever they gather online. The FBI says the entry point can be any site, app, or game, and it has interviewed sextortion victims as young as 8.[3]

The FBI also warns that offenders may run dozens of accounts and talk to many young people at once.[3]

2. Building Trust and a Special Bond

NCMEC lists compliments, talking about shared interests, “liking” a child’s posts, and pretending to be younger as common ways offenders build rapport.[5]

RAINN describes “psychological grooming” that looks like friendship, affection, or romance, with special attention and secret communication.[1]

3. Gifts, Money, and Favors

Offenders may offer gift cards, money, phones, or other incentives.[5][2] The FBI adds game credits, codes, and even the promise of a modeling contract to that list.[3]

4. Secrecy and Isolation

The groomer asks the child to keep the relationship secret and may try to turn them against family and friends so they depend on the groomer.[2] RAINN names secrecy, private messages, and encouraging a child to lie as red flags.[1]

5. Moving to a More Private App

The FBI tells kids to be suspicious if someone they met in one game or app asks to start talking on a different platform.[3] Lawsuits consolidated in federal court allege predators met children on Roblox and moved them to Discord, Snapchat, Instagram, texting, or video calls.[9] Those are allegations that have not been decided.

In a February 2026 federal case in Maryland, prosecutors said one man used accounts on Snapchat, Discord, Roblox, Skype, Omegle, and Instagram to target girls ages 5 to 17.[10]

6. Sexualizing the Conversation

The groomer brings up sexual topics, may send explicit images, and asks for images in return.[5] A 2022 study comparing adults who experienced child sexual abuse with those who did not identified behaviors that desensitize a child to sexual content and physical contact as key red flags.[11]

7. Control Through Fear or Threats

Once an offender has an image, they may threaten to share it unless the child sends more, or sends money. This is sextortion.[12]

This step can arrive quickly. The FBI says financially motivated sextortion can unfold in as little as five minutes, and some offenders skip the trust-building entirely and start with threats.[13][3] If threats are already happening, go to the sextortion help guide now.

Signs of Grooming: A Parent Checklist

RAINN advises looking for patterns of behavior, since a single sign often has an ordinary explanation.[1] Several of these together, or a sudden change, deserve a conversation.

Changes You Might See in Your Child

NCMEC’s NetSmartz program lists these red flags:[2]

  • Receiving gifts through the mail, such as phones, gift cards, or webcams
  • Calling unknown numbers
  • Pulling away from family and friends in favor of time online
  • Getting upset when they can’t get online
  • Minimizing the screen or turning off the monitor when you come in

RAINN adds signs specific to teens: an adult sending private messages, pressure to keep secrets, gifts with no occasion, and a relationship that feels “too mature” for their age.[1]

Behaviors to Watch for in the Other Person

Red flagWhat it can look like online
Special treatmentConstant compliments, favoritism, gifts, money, or game credits[1][3]
SecrecyAsking the child to keep the relationship secret or to use hidden, private messages[1][2]
IsolatingTrying to turn the child against family and friends so they depend on the other person[1][2]
Switching platformsAsking to move from a game or public app to a private chat or video call[3][13]
Ignoring boundariesSexual jokes, sharing sexual content, asking about the child’s body[1][5]
DeceptionA profile that claims to be a teen, has few followers, or looks new[5][13]

Why Grooming Is Easy to Miss

In a vignette study of 865 adults, parents were no better than non-parents at recognizing grooming. Participants mostly linked grooming to abuse only when the behaviors were overtly sexual, and their confidence did not match their actual ability.[6]

The earlier steps, such as attention, gifts, and a special bond, can look harmless in isolation. That is why the pattern matters more than any single message.

Children also may not know who they are talking to. In a U.S. survey analysis, recipients did not know the age or identity of the person in over half of online sexual solicitation episodes.[14] In a study of 1,704 adolescents ages 12 to 15, between 7% and 18% reported experiencing specific grooming strategies, and those strategies were more common among girls and older teens.[15]

How to Talk With Your Child About Grooming

The FBI calls open communication the best defense. Its guidance encourages parents to explain that people can pretend to be anyone online and to promise that their first move will always be to help.[3]

Questions That Open the Door

The FBI suggests conversation starters like these:[3]

  • “When you’re online, has anyone you don’t know ever tried to talk to you?”
  • “What would you do if that happened?”
  • “Why do you think someone would want to reach a kid online?”

Make It Safe to Tell You

Kids often stay quiet because they fear getting in trouble or losing their phone.[3] Say out loud that they won’t be punished for telling you something went wrong online.

NCMEC suggests helping your child name two or three other trusted adults they could go to if talking to you feels too hard.[2]

Match the Talk to Their Age

RAINN recommends teaching consent and boundaries in age-appropriate ways. Young children can learn that their body belongs to them. Tweens can learn the difference between safe and unsafe secrets. Teens can learn that consent must be clear and voluntary every time, whether in person, online, or through sexting.[1]

For platform-specific settings and conversations, see the guides to predators on Roblox, Discord, and Snapchat.

If You Think Your Child Is Being Groomed

Stay Calm and Listen

NCTSN advises parents to stay calm, believe their child, and make clear they are not to blame. Avoid promising to keep what you hear secret, because protecting your child may require telling others.[16]

The FBI adds a point many teens need to hear: they are not the one in trouble, even if they were on an app they were too young for or accepted a gift.[3]

Don’t Confront the Person Online

RAINN’s guidance is to report your concerns promptly and leave the investigating to the authorities. It also advises against confronting a suspected abuser if you feel unsafe.[1]

Preserve the Evidence

  • Block the account but don’t delete the profile or messages.[12]
  • Save usernames, profile links, and dates for every app involved. The FBI says saved messages can help law enforcement identify the offender.[13]
  • Keep a written record of what you’ve noticed, with dates and names, as RAINN recommends.[1]
  • Don’t forward or re-share any sexual images, even to report them. Leave that to law enforcement.

Report It

If explicit images of your child were taken before age 18, NCMEC’s free Take It Down service creates a digital fingerprint so participating platforms can find and remove copies. The image stays on your device.[18]

Get Your Child Support

NCTSN recommends medical care when needed and a mental health professional who specializes in child sexual abuse. It notes that children whose parents are supportive heal more quickly.[16] A therapist directory can help you find someone.

Watch for signs your child may be thinking about suicide, such as talking about wanting to die, feeling trapped or like a burden, or withdrawing from friends. If you see them, call or text 988 right away.[19]

Grooming Is Never the Child’s Fault

RAINN is clear that a teen who is groomed is never to blame, because their minds and bodies are still developing and they are not at fault if an abuser targets them.[1] The same goes for parents. Offenders practice these techniques on many children at once.[3]

Some families also want to understand the legal side, especially when a platform’s design allegedly made contact easier. The Roblox lawsuit guide explains how those cases work. For an overview of every topic in this section, visit Kids Online Safety.

Related Guides

Sources

  1. RAINN. (2026, May 31). Get the Facts About Grooming.
  2. National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. (n.d.). NetSmartz: Sextortion.
  3. Federal Bureau of Investigation. (n.d.). Sextortion: What Kids and Caregivers Need to Know.
  4. National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. (n.d.). CyberTipline Data.
  5. National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. (n.d.). Online Enticement.
  6. Steedman, L. A., Jeglic, E. L., & Winters, G. M. (2023, December 19). Examining Parental Abilities to Recognize Sexual Grooming Behaviors of Child Sexual Abusers. Journal of Child & Adolescent Trauma, 17(2), 197-208.
  7. Winters, G. M., Jeglic, E. L., & Kaylor, L. E. (2020, October 2). Validation of the Sexual Grooming Model of Child Sexual Abusers. Journal of Child Sexual Abuse, 29(7), 855-875.
  8. Ringenberg, T. R., Seigfried-Spellar, K. C., Rayz, J. M., & Rogers, M. K. (2021, November 18). A Scoping Review of Child Grooming Strategies: Pre- and Post-Internet. Child Abuse & Neglect, 123, 105392.
  9. U.S. Judicial Panel on Multidistrict Litigation. (2025, December 12). In re: Roblox Corporation Child Sexual Exploitation and Assault Litigation, MDL No. 3166, Transfer Order.
  10. U.S. Attorney’s Office, District of Maryland. (2026, February 17). Silver Spring Man Sentenced to 50 Years for Child Exploitation, Including “Sextortion” of More Than 100 Minors.
  11. Jeglic, E. L., Winters, G. M., & Johnson, B. N. (2022, December 26). Identification of Red Flag Child Sexual Grooming Behaviors. Child Abuse & Neglect, 136, 105998.
  12. National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. (n.d.). Sextortion.
  13. Federal Bureau of Investigation. (n.d.). Financially Motivated Sextortion.
  14. Finkelhor, D., Cavanaugh, C., Turner, H., Colburn, D., Sutton, S., & Mathews, B. (2024, August 16). When Is Online Sexual Solicitation of a Minor Considered Sexual Abuse? Recommendations for Victim Prevalence Surveys. Trauma, Violence, & Abuse, 25(5), 4117-4129.
  15. Gámez-Guadix, M., De Santisteban, P., Wachs, S., & Wright, M. (2021, August 13). Unraveling Cyber Sexual Abuse of Minors: Psychometrics Properties of the Multidimensional Online Grooming Questionnaire and Prevalence by Sex and Age. Child Abuse & Neglect, 120, 105250.
  16. National Child Traumatic Stress Network. (2009, April). What to Do If Your Child Discloses Sexual Abuse: Information for Parents and Caregivers.
  17. National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. (n.d.). CyberTipline.
  18. National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. (n.d.). Take It Down.
  19. National Institute of Mental Health. (n.d.). Warning Signs of Suicide.
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